Sunday, November 25, 2007

101 Things NOT to say during sex

1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor’s closet) And they say romance is dead…
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
16. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober…
21. (holding a banana) It’s just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my teeth…
27. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You’re good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel…
42. That leak better be from the waterbed
43. I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..47. No, really… I do this part better myself!
48. It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
50. You’re almost as good as my ex!
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you feel.
54. Perhaps you’re just out of practice.
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
56. They’re not cracker crumbs, it’s just a rash.
57. Now I know why he/she dumped you…
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn’t even have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession…
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I’ll tell you who I’m fanatasizing about if you tell me who you’re
fantasizing about…
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.
78. I think biting is romantic- don’t you?
79. Q: You can cook, too right? A: (Whaddaya think I’m doin’?)
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like…
82. Have you seen “Fatal Attraction”?
83. Sorry about the name tags, I’m not very good with names.
84. Don’t mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn’t forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don’t do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like you’re enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper…
92. I’ll bet you didn’t know I work for “The Enquirer”.
93. So that’s why they call you MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I’ve slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend’s turn?
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses…
99. Please understand that I’m only doing this for a raise…
100. How long do you plan to be “almost there”?
101. You mean you’re NOT my blind date?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Feeding your rabbit the correct way

Many people keep rabbits rather than dogs and cats because rabbits can be happily left at home alone all day while their owners are out at work. Though often happy on their own, they are by nature social creatures that enjoy the company of their owners and other animals in the household.

They are best kept in pairs because they form strong bonds with each other. They will play with toys, seek out and follow humans, and enjoy being stroked. Most rabbits will use a litter tray and so can live indoors in the house, but they can sometimes be destructive.

A rabbits natural response to pain or distress is to sit quietly, preferably hidden from view. As a result, many diseases and causes of suffering can be easily overlooked. Though the life expectancy of a domestic rabbit is potentially 10-12 years, few make it to this age. The sad thing is, many of these diseases are preventable.

An incorrect diet can be the underlying cause to many health problems. Rabbits are strict herbivores that eat a variety of plants in the wild. Although they prefer grass and leaves, they can digest more fibrous foods and are able to survive on sparse vegetation. They do NOT need a high calorie diet, as their digestive system has evolved to use bacterial fermentation to break down fibre and form nutrients.

Their teeth are continually growing and being worn down, to cut and grind food before it enters the stomach. Any undigested food that reaches the colon is split into large and small particles, and sent in opposite directions. The small particles pass into the cecum, which is the fermentation chamber full of bacteria. These bacteria break down the particles to form volatile fatty acids, amino acids, vitamins and other nutrients.

Large particles that are difficult to break down pass rapidly through the colon, are compressed, and are excreted as hard fecal pellets. Once or twice a day, the motility of the colon changes and the cecum (fermentation chamber) contracts to expel its contents as slightly larger, softer fecal pellets. These are known as cecotropes.

Rabbits eat these pellets of feces, the cecotropes. They are often consumed as they come out of the anus, and are a rich source of nutrients. If this cycle is broken, it disrupts the healthy bacteria that live in the rabbits digestive tract.

In very young rabbits, this can cause death by enterotoxemia, i.e. overproduction of toxins by a population of bacteria that is unbalanced and out of control. It can take a while for a rabbit to achieve a stable healthy gut flora (bacterial population), hence why young rabbits are so susceptible.

So, what should I be feeding my rabbit?

The best foods for rabbits are grass and wild plants as they are palatable, low in calories, high in fibre and wear the teeth down. Leafy green vegetables are very good, such as spinach, cabbage, kale and carrot tops. Remember that when a new food is introduced, it can cause a flurry of cecotropes, which must not be interpreted as diarrhea. On the contrary, it is perfectly normal and healthy!

Low calorie but high fibre foods are GOOD, high calorie but low fibre foods are BAD!

Rabbits on a low fibre diet tend to produce softer cecotropes which can stick to the fur around the anus, especially if the fur is fluffy. If this same diet is high in calories, as many of the commercial ones often are, then the rabbit is more likely to be fat and unable to reach their anus to eat the cecotropes.

The end result is that a foul smelling mass of matted fecal material accumulates under the tail which is unpleasant for both the rabbit and the owner. Moreover, the skin under the matted feces becomes sore and the smelly, moist area attracts flies. This then leads to flystrike, which is very distressing and often fatal.

Are teeth problems related to diet?

Dental problems are possibly the commonest reason why vets see rabbits. There is universal agreement amongst experts that mixed muesli-type diets are at least partly responsible for these teeth problems. Although these types of rabbit food are cheap, tasty and convenient, they are totally unsuitable for rabbits.

They are high in calories and low in fibre, and even if the manufacturer claims to have a balanced mixture of ingredients, many rabbits will cherry pick certain bits from the bowl. This means that certain tasty components such as peas or maize, which are very calcium deficient, are selectively eaten while less palatable ingredients are ignored.

The continual growth of the rabbits teeth is reliant on calcium intake, so when a rabbits diet is deficient, it draws the calcium from its bones instead. This disrupts the tooth structure and can lead to wonky teeth, abscesses, blocked tear ducts, osteoporosis and spinal problems. In addition, rabbits with poor teeth cannot groom themselves properly and so can get mite infestations, leading to scaling and itchy skin.

Poor teeth also make the rabbit unable to eat hay, so the proportion of fibre in the diet decreases and causes digestive problems, as discussed earlier. By and large, if a rabbit is eating large amounts of hay it is an indicator that it has healthy teeth.

© Televets 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

A Beginners Guide To Writing Love Letters

When learning how to write a love letter you need to know what a love letter is all about. A love letter is an increasingly popular way to express your feeling and emotions of love in written form. Many love letters are sent in the mail and now with the ever increasing use of computers more and more are sent via email.

A love letter can be anything from a short focused simple message of love to someone special or a lengthy explanation of feelings. Really, it depends on your feeling for the person you are thinking of writing to.

When deciding on how to write a love letter you need to be sure in your mind that a love letter is the best way to go. If this is the case, then a well crafted love letter will be preferable to face to face contact because they can be written as the thoughts come to the author.

Give yourself time to plan you love letter and gather your thoughts before you begin to write. This will allow feelings to be much more easily expressed than if you were in the presence of your beloved’s presence. Even more so, writing down and expressing strong emotional feelings on paper can be an expression within itself of desire and the importance of the beloved and the lover’s emotions.

When I learnt how to write a love letter, I did so because I wanted to establish a new relationship with someone whom I was attracted to. I quickly realized that sending a love letter was a rarity and the consequent emotional charm of my letter won the day! Clearly a well written love letter illustrates the emotional importance of the message.

There is no one correct style to write a love letter and it can be written in any style or structure. A popular method is in the form of a sonnet or a form of an I love you poem.

If you need any examples on how to write a lover letter, just read and study Shakespeare’s sonnets. These are almost always cited as very good examples of how to write emotional themes. Also take a look at published books collecting models and suggestions for love letters. There are some excellent templates you can use, which makes the writing of love letters much easier.

Many writers like to present a love letter on beautifully produced paper sealed in a scented envelope. You can even use your own scent or perfume to add that extra touch. This will always strengthen the impact of the letter.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Google AdSense Ranking of Candidates

With a minimum bid of $5 for presidential candidate keywords like "mitt", "rudy", and "fred thompson", Google's AdSense should make a nice profit from this election. Of course, a dollar ain't what it used to be...

As expected, Ron Paul leads the pack, earning Google the most money of all the candidates. Ironically, his campaign is probably the only one that does not need to spend a dime on AdSense.

Meanwhile, McCain's campaign appears to be desperately buying up every keyword they can think of. No wonder they are going broke.

Perhaps most surprising, Giuliani does not appear to be bidding on "911" (which costs up to $3,870 per day).

ron paul363$1820
mitt254-318$1280 - $1590
fred thompson214-267$1,070 - $1,340
hillary195 - 247$980 - $1,240
obama243 - 304$250 - $410
rudy284 - 355$290 - $400
john mccain127 - 161$130 - $220
kucinich9 - 16$50 - $80